A TIME TO MOURN
by Magenta Moonshadow
Summary: Set on Tatooine several months after the events of Revenge of the Sith. Obi Wan receives a very special visitor...


Disclaimer: I don't own these characters - they belong to George Lucas! I'm just making fragile sandcastles on George's wonderful beach...

Summary: This story is set on Tatooine several months after the events of 'Revenge of the Sith'...

**"A TIME TO MOURN"**

The twin suns of Tatooine had both dipped below the distant horizon, bringing a welcome respite from the oppressive heat of the day. The yellow sand-dunes lay soft and silent under a cloudless indigo sky which was already peppered with bright stars, even here in the Outer Rim, far from the centre of the Galaxy.

Inside the sun-dried clay walls of his small home, Obi-Wan Kenobi dimmed the lamp, stretched out on his bunk, closed his eyes, and tried to sleep, in a fruitless attempt to pacify the screaming voices in his head that never fully went away.

He had lived on this desert planet for some time now, watching over - from afar - the baby son of Anakin Skywalker. But many months had passed since the slaughter in the Jedi Temple, and still the screams haunted him.

Against the wise advice of Master Yoda, Obi-Wan had forced himself to watch the Holo-recordings, and listen to the cries of the Younglings as Anakin cut them down, the fear and disbelief etched forever on their young, trusting faces. Sometimes it was almost too much to bear, to know that his former apprentice, his friend, the man he had loved as a brother, had been responsible for such dark deeds.

All the hopes for the future of the Jedi Order seemed to have died that day in the Temple, along with the Younglings - and throughout the Galaxy at the hands of Palpatine's Clone Army with the command to execute Order 66.

Obi-Wan also had the guilt of broken promises. He had no strong childhood memories of his parents. Once his Force Potential had been realised as a baby, he was raised in the Jedi Temple, and since becoming Qui-Gon's Padawan apprentice at the age of thirteen, the elder Jedi had become the closest thing to a father that Obi-Wan had ever known.

More than 12 years had passed since the battle with the Sith Lord in the generator-room on Naboo, where Obi-Wan had wept over the broken body of Qui-Gon Jinn. He'd cradled his dying Master in his arms and - just before the Life Force could no longer sustain the fatally-damaged physical shell - he'd made his fateful promise to train Anakin as a Jedi. And that promise had now died with the Younglings.

Yes, he, Obi-Wan had failed. Day and night, it constantly gnawed away at his conscience. Could he have spotted the warning signs? Why hadn't he realised that Anakin's pride was growing, that his arrogance was flourishing under the subtle and insidious influence of Palpatine? Had Palpatine somehow manipulated even Obi-Wan so that he could mask his intentions? The Force had shown him nothing of Palpatine's twisted manipulations of Anakin until it was far, far too late.

Kenobi had few regrets in his life, but his failure with Anakin Skywalker was the one which haunted his every waking moment - and also his nightmares, too.

Tonight, as with every other night, he stretched out on his bunk, closed his eyes, and tried to sleep.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Obi-Wan..."

His eyes snapped open, searching into the semi-darkness. The night-lamp cast a steady orange glow near the bunk, but it left the shadows in the darkest corners of the room untouched. Surely this was no dream? He sat upright, aware of the potentialities that were contained within those two words. It was a voice that he hadn't heard for a very long time.

"Master?" whispered Obi-Wan. He could not ignore the faint hope he felt rising from deep down inside.

"Obi-Wan..." called the voice once more, and as Kenobi turned towards it, he noticed a change occuring within the small room. The air itself seemed to thicken, like the heat-haze that rises from the shallow dunes near the Jundland Wastes each morning. Tiny dust-motes of energy began to swirl and dance in the semi-darkness, and then a soft blue flickering light permeated everything. Looking down at himself, Obi-Wan noted that he too had a faint blue shimmer.

Then, in an instant the room was alive with the Living Force. Kenobi recognised it at once. Often he had sensed it speaking softly to him during times of meditation, when he had been at rest, passive and open to its potential, but he had not experienced it this strong before. Everything sparkled with life. From the clay walls to the shabby rug on the floor, from the bunk, to the water jug and beaker on the night-table, all was filled with a pure and radiant energy.

It surged through Kenobi. He was aware that if he looked closely at anything in the room, he would be able to see the very atoms dancing as The Force not only filled them, but penetrated them and held them in its embrace. But he also knew that he dared not look that close, because it would be looking into the very heart of The Force - the basic, primal essence of Creation.

The Force-song which swelled from the nearby shadows was now so strong that it sang in his ears with the rush of a mighty wind, roaring so powerful that it was as if his own heartbeat - and even time itself - had stopped. Slowly, the swirling blue shimmer started to gain substance. The particles of purest Light imploded and gathered together, as the spiralling energy fused and coalesced into golden tendrils of liquid fire. It was so bright that Obi-Wan had to shield his eyes, but even then, he could still 'see' the radiant glow.

The Force-surge still sang in the background, flooding Kenobi's mind with a low hum that - for all he knew - might have been the very same sound used in the song of Creation. Then the glow gradually dimmed, but he could still sense a strong Force-presence in the room.

He opened his eyes again and glanced around. His gaze was drawn to the centre of the room where the surge had been strongest. A tall man with a close-cropped beard was standing there before him, wearing the proud robes of a Jedi. Deep blue eyes crinkled up as he smiled down at Obi-Wan. His long dark hair, grey-streaked and tied back, cascaded over his shoulders. A pale blue light surrounded him, too. Luminous...

"By the Force! It's really you!" Obi-Wan whispered joyfully, rising to greet his old master.

Qui-Gon reached out to him and drew him close, the blue shimmer enveloping them both as Qui-Gon enfolded the younger Jedi in his arms. Obi-Wan didn't understand how it was possible for him to be embraced by a spirit, but he thanked the Force, anyway.

Eventually, Obi-Wan reluctantly drew back, still gazing at the older man in astonishment. "It's so good to see you!"

"And you, too, Obi-Wan!" replied Qui-Gon with a gentle laugh. "But I see that you haven't noticed yet?" Qui-Gon had that familiar half-smile on his face as he gestured with a small movement of his head to the bunk against the wall behind Obi-Wan. Kenobi wondered what could possibly be so amusing.

He glanced around, and was more than surprised to see himself laying there on the bunk as if asleep, one arm at his side, the other over his chest, partly covered by the rough blanket. Was he dreaming? Had he merged with the Force? Or was he dead? If so, he had never felt so alive before!

"Am I dead?" he gasped, as he gazed at the body on the bunk. No. Looking closely, he saw that 'he' was not dead, but in a very deep sleep. And then, in the soft orange glow from the night-lamp, he noticed a twisting vortex of energy, an umbilical cord of light and life, a shimmering, spiralling thread as faint as a smoke wisp which seemed to be somehow connecting him - the REAL him, the Obi-Wan who was awake and aware and speaking with Qui-Gon - to the physical flesh-and-blood Obi-Wan who was laying unconscious on the bed.

Obi-Wan held his hand out in front of him and saw that the faint blue shimmer he had noticed before still surrounded him - the REAL him. But the body on the bed was just a body. And for the first time, he felt that he was truly alive. He KNEW that he was eternal, an Immortal Being of Light and Power, a Child of The Force, housed for a brief while inside a vulnerable shell of flesh, blood and bone.

'Luminous beings are we...' Yoda's words came back to him. The venerable Jedi Master had stated it repeatedly to generations of Younglings - it was one of the very first lessons they were taught in the Temple. But only now did Obi-Wan see for himself the truth in those words.

"No, Obi-Wan, you are not dead!" answered Qui-Gon softly, as he walked over to where Kenobi stood gazing at the unconscious Jedi. "But it is best if you are out of your body whilst I attend to this. There are things that have to be realised, and this will make it easier for you to understand."

"You have done all this?" whispered Obi-Wan. Now he knew why it was possible for Qui-Gon to greet him with an embrace - they were both spirits. He was tempted to reach out and see if he could touch his sleeping form, but he dared not.

A wry smile crossed Qui-Gon's face. "I have had some help, Obi Wan! All I ask is that you trust me..."

Yoda had told him that Qui-Gon had found a way to retain his identity after death, but - until now - he'd only had Yoda's promise on this. Yet the Force-potential in the small room was overpowering. He'd never felt anything like it before. He thought that he understood most of the ways of The Force, but he now realised that he knew very little.

From the back of nowhere, memories rushed in - of times as a young Padawan when he'd woken in the depths of the night from a feverish bad dream and Qui-Gon had sensed his fear and comforted him. The times when - exhausted from the day's exercises - Obi-Wan had fallen asleep in a chair, and rather than disturb his rest Qui-Gon had simply removed his own robe and used it as a blanket for him. That time of illness, when Qui-Gon had cared for him continuously for almost three days, watching over him to a point beyond exhaustion. Only when Obi-Wan's fever had broken and he'd woken and eaten, did Qui-Gon take any rest.

From more than half a lifetime ago, the memories of the man who was more to him than a father were still very strong. Kenobi had had a lifetime of Jedi training to keep his emotions in check, but even so, he now found salty tears pricking his eyes. He swallowed them back. Trust him? Yes, he would trust Qui-Gon with his life!

"Of course I trust you, Master!"

Qui-Gon looked at him proudly. "You are your own master now!"

"There was only one master for me!" retorted Kenobi, and a faint smile broke out over his face. Just as fleetingly, it was gone. "I'm sorry. You must be so disappointed in me. I have failed you. I failed you on Naboo, and I failed you with Anakin. I was wrong. I wasn't strong enough to deal with him..."

"That wasn't your fault, Obi-Wan", replied Qui-Gon. "You didn't fail me, and you didn't fail Anakin. Anakin made his own choice, and he chose the path of darkness, but YOU were not to blame. I am proud of the way that you trained him. You did all that you could to try and keep him on the right path, and for that, I thank you. His future is shrouded in darkness and mystery, but he may still have a part to play in bringing balance to the Force."

"But I should have been mindful of what Palpatine was doing!" Obi-Wan said, grimly. "I was blind to his corruption! A Sith Lord was walking amongst us, in the very heart of the Senate, and we could not even sense him! And what of the other Jedi in the Temple? Even the Younglings were not spared! Anakin KILLED them! He cut them down - murdered them in cold blood. They all trusted him, and he betrayed them!" Kenobi's voice grew weak as he remembered the horrors of the Holo-recordings.

There was silence, then Qui-Gon spoke in a voice filled with compassion. "They are safe now. Believe me, they ARE safe..."

Kenobi was not able to return his Master's gaze. He had so much to say - things which he had carried inside him for more than a decade - but he wasn't sure that he could find the words. The heartache and guilt since the events on Naboo had been buried deep down inside his soul - and now they screamed to be released. After a long silence, he eventually spoke.

"And what of my failure on Naboo, Master?" he asked, lowering his head. "I shouldn't have let you face that Sith Lord alone! If only I'd been faster, we would not have become separated by the laser gates...and you... would not have died..." The last words came out in little more than a whisper. To utter them caused him so much sorrow and pain that he felt as if his heart was being ripped out.

"But Obi-Wan, you were not responsible for what happened on Naboo!", exclaimed Qui -on with a sigh, putting a hand on Kenobi's shoulder, the blue Force-ripples flowing between the tall Jedi and the younger man.

He spoke softly once again: "I have been watching over you all these long years - and I know how much you have grieved for me. And many times have I tried to reach you through The Force, but you were not ready to hear me."

Kenobi was silent. Qui-Gon shook his head sadly, and continued: "Your grief was so strong that it shut me out, Obi-Wan! You blamed yourself, building walls so high that I could not reach you, instead of accepting what happened as the Will of the Force. But it must end! This is the reason I am here tonight, and why it had to be this way. This is the night when you have to stop grieving - it has gone on for far too long!"

There was still no response from Kenobi, who stood there, eyes closed and head bowed. Qui-Gon placed his other hand under Obi-Wan's chin, so that the younger Jedi had no choice but to face him. "Now, look at me!" he said firmly.

Obi-Wan raised his head. The years fell away, he was a Padawan again - and he could not refuse a command from the Master that he loved more than life itself.

Qui-Gon spoke again, in the same tone that he'd often used when trying to get an important point of Jedi lore across: "Listen to me, Obi-Wan. I am here, talking to you tonight! I have held you in my arms. I know the doubts that you have had since Naboo, but I did not die. Only the body dies. Remember, 'There is NO death - there is The Force'? And nothing we love is ever lost to The Force! You have carried this burden for far too long, when it was not yours to carry! You must let go of it now. Let it go, my Obi-Wan, let it go!"

Obi-Wan looked into the kindly blue eyes of his former Master, and although unwilling to break the steady gaze of the older man, he could control himself no longer. He was slightly trembling now, as if he had just realised a great truth which had been accessible to him all along, but he had been too blind - and had felt too unworthy - to accept. The emotions which had been welling up inside him were now more than he could bear. Without saying a word he reluctantly broke away from Qui-Gon, sat on the bunk beside his body, covered his face with his hands and wept like a child - as he had wept for Qui-Gon on Naboo.

Since that fateful day when the Sith Lord had taken Qui-Gon's life, Kenobi had locked his grief and guilt away deep inside himself. He had sealed a protective shell around it, much like a precious pearl is formed from a small piece of grit. When Qui-Gon died, a part of Obi Wan had died, too. But now - tonight - the grit and the suppressed pain had disappeared and he could release the pearl back to The Force. His tears were tears that brought healing to his troubled soul.

His Master sat down next to him on the bunk, and Obi-Wan once more felt strong arms holding him close, pulling him into the older Jedi's cloak. "I missed you, Master! So much..." he sobbed.

"I know, and I have felt your sorrow." said Qui-Gon tenderly. "I have missed you, too, my Obi-Wan. There were things I should have said to you a long time ago. I always thought that there would be time to say them later, but, because of Naboo, there never was a later. So I shall say them now! Obi-Wan, I don't know if you ever realised this, but you were far more to me than a son, because you saved me from myself - and had I been your real father I could not have loved you more."

Qui-Gon had tears in his eyes, too. He held Obi-Wan close for what seemed like an eternity until the sobbing had eased, the blue Force shimmer passing between them in healing waves.

"I'm sorry...so, so, sorry!" Kenobi eventually gulped between the words, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. "Jedi are not supposed to show emotion, but seeing you here tonight, like this..."

"But there is no shame in emotion," said Qui-Gon, "and the greatest emotion of all is love. Being a Jedi does not make you less vulnerable! There is something else I have to tell you, Obi-Wan. It has taken a special vergence in the Force for me to visit you like this tonight. I was permitted to come to you and place you in a Force-induced state so I could communicate directly with your spirit, as I could not reach you any other way. This way you could understand what you needed to be told, and release your fear and pain - but I won't be allowed to do it again. We shall be able to communicate with each other through voice and mind, but there can be no further intervention. When I leave you tonight, it will be the last physical contact you shall have from me until you are ready to join me in The Force at the end of your life's journey, where - once you have learned the training I have - I shall be waiting for you! So, no more blaming yourself - you must be strong!"

Qui-Gon reached out to Obi-Wan again and held him tightly in his arms, a kindly father giving a final embrace to his much-loved son. Obi-Wan had said a painful goodbye to Qui-Gon once before, on the cold floor of the generator-room on Naboo, and he didn't want to let him go then, but he knew he must. On Naboo he was wracked with guilt and sorrow, but this was different. The deep ache that he had carried inside him for so long was gone now. He was free. Qui-Gon had given him the greatest gift - peace of mind.

Obi-Wan eventually sat back on the edge of the bunk. "Thank you!" he whispered, rubbing his eyes. "Thank you."

Qui-Gon smiled again. "There is no need to thank me, Obi-Wan! I could not bear to see you silently carrying the blame for things that were not your fault! Now you must get some rest. But first, there is the small matter of returning you..." he nodded towards the body behind them on the bunk, and laughed softly. "Would you like to try and get back in there by yourself, or shall I do it the same way that I got you out?"

"Oh No, you can do it!" replied Obi-Wan firmly, choking back a laugh. "I've had enough excitement for one day!"

The screams that had been in his head were much more subdued now, as his subconscious mind finally realised that some things were really not his fault, and it was time for him to begin to understand that, accept it, and not torment himself any longer. It was time to hand it over to the Force.

Many years ago Qui-Gon had gently admonished him for looking to the future without paying regard to the 'here and now', and he allowed himself a wry grin as the memory came flooding back. Tomorrow was another day! Qui-Gon was right. He'd always been right. Even after all these years, his old Master was far wiser than he would ever be.

"All right, then!" said Qui-Gon. "Now, you were on the edge of sleep when I took you out of your body, so that will be the way I return you - when you are ready?"

Obi Wan-nodded, and closed his eyes in meditation. He took a deep breath, and then another. "I am ready!" he said.

"Good!" said Qui-Gon, standing up. He closed his own eyes in concentration, as he placed his hands on Kenobi's shoulders. "Now, relax...and again, trust me."

Qui-Gon summoned the power from around the room, silently calling it to him. The subtle Force-whisper grew slightly louder, and the air seemed to pulsate. The blue shimmer once more ebbed and flowed between the two Jedi, growing stronger and brighter as it surged once again. Then Obi-Wan sighed faintly and slowly dropped sideways on to the bunk.

Qui-Gon caught him before he fell. Slipping one strong arm under the younger Jedi's head, he raised him up again, and sliding the other arm behind Obi-Wan's knees, he tenderly cradled the luminous Kenobi in his arms as if he were the weight of a feather.

Qui-Gon stretched over the bunk and gently lowered him into the physical body of the sleeping Jedi, slowly reuniting body and spirit as if the spirit was a sponge and the body merely water. The faint blue light that had surrounded his spirit was quenched now it was at one with his body again. Obi-Wan tensed slightly in his sleep as the two elements merged, and then relaxed as the transformation was completed.

The atmosphere in the room started to change as the Force-surge created by Qui-Gon began to ebb away. His mission was completed - Obi-Wan now had the peace of mind he had so desperately craved. The last few lingering traces of blue light withdrew and merged into the spirit of Qui-Gon Jinn as the Force-surge was stilled.

The room was silent again, save for the soft, even breathing of Obi-Wan. In the orange glow cast by the small night-lamp, Qui-Gon stood watching over the sleeping Jedi for a few more moments, then he closed his eyes and withdrew his thoughts into The Force until he was sure that everything was well with Obi-Wan.

Once he had the confirmation he needed he lightly brushed his hand on Kenobi's forehead, and, whispering "Sleep well, my son..." he turned and walked slowly away, across the room, through the clay wall and out into the Tatooine night.

The bright desert stars burned like fire through the cool dark sky outside. And inside his small home, for the first time in many months, Obi-Wan Kenobi slipped into a deep and restful sleep.

**The End**


End file.
